Friday, 8 April 2011

Prayer: are you getting through to God...

I don’t know about you but sometime I find prayer and finding time to pray can be really difficult. Talking to God and God talking to you, which at its heart prayer is, is an amazing privilege and experience. There not many of us who would turn down a request to be prayer for especially at a moment of crisis. Now I just hate those telephone systems where you have to press buttons and hold on while they play you atrocious music whilst you wait endlessly to speak to the right person! What if God installed one of those systems on the prayer channel? I wonder if we would come across some of these automated responses:

Thank you for calling Heaven: For English press 1; For other languages press 2: For Welsh, the language of heaven, please hold.

Please select one of the following options:
  • Press zero for a chat.
  • Press 1 to apologise.
  • Press 2 for Requests.
  • Press 3 for Thanksgiving.
  • Press 4 for Complaints.

I am sorry. All of our angels and saints are busy helping other enquiries right now.   However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer it as soon as one of the heavenly host is free.   Please stay on the line.

  • If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please press 1.
  • If you would like to hear Aled Jones singing “I’m walking in the air”, please press 2.
  • If you would like to sing your favourite hymn, please go ahead.
  • If you are a wondering why be a Christian, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6.
  • If you are an atheist, why are you calling?

For answers to nagging questions about suffering, people of other faiths, dinosaurs, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please would you wait until you arrive, there will be a Q&A session with God the Father during your welcome and orientation seminar.

If you are a theologian and understand transubstantiation, the ontological proof of the existence of God, and the difference between pre- and post-millennialism, please report to the angel Gabriel on arrival in heaven.  We haven’t a clue what you’re on about, and we’d like you to explain it to us.

Our computers show that you have already prayed today.  Please hang up and try again tomorrow.   The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.   Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 am.

  • If you wish to renew your subscription, please visit your local church next Sunday.
  • If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local church leader!! 

Thank you for calling and have a divine day!